Communicating with Your Beneficiaries

If your family has adult children, there is a possibility that you may decide to split your estate unevenly. After all, if one child is very successfully financially, and another child is taking care of you now that you need help, should you treat them the same when it comes time to pass on your assets?

It is up to you how you want to pass on your property, including your personal possessions. Your possessions might mean so much to one child but would only be looked at as a waste of space by another child. You may have plans to bring one or more of your children into the family business but they may have other ideas for their life. Your assets can be divided any way you want, including leaving nothing to one or more of your children. You can give your entire estate to charity if you choose.

If you do choose to treat your children differently in terms of what they inherit from you, I recommend that you communicate your plans to your family before you die. A family meeting can do so much to help lessen the feelings of anger and betrayal among family members that can occur if they find out your estate plan when they read the will. You can explain your thinking to them so they understand your actions. At a family meeting, you can also communicate your philosophy about money and possessions, you can smooth over any bad feelings from family members who feel they have been treated unfairly, and you can discuss health issues in the event you need additional care in your later years.

Such a meeting can be held at your lawyer’s office, in a neutral place like a restaurant, or in your home, at the kitchen table. The meeting should include your children, their spouses, and perhaps any older grandchildren. If there is a family business involved, you may also want to invite key employees and your accountant.

If there is any feedback that you find helpful, you can use it to make changes to your estate plan. It could be that everyone is in favor of your plan. Or you could find out that the child who you had hoped would run your business wants some other career entirely.

A family meeting every few years goes a long way to ensuring that your children are still speaking to each other after you are gone.