Choosing a Guardian When You Don’t Like Your Choices

I speak to a lot of parents who don’t have a will. When I ask them the reason why they don’t have a will, the predictable answer is “We can’t decide on who to choose as a guardian for our children.”

Yes, this is the most common dilemma that parents face when confronting the will issue. The usual scenario is that you disagree about the parenting styles of your siblings, your parents are too old and you don’t want to burden your friends with the responsibility of raising your children. So, how do you break the logjam and reach a compromise?

By recognizing that the solution is a compromise and that there presently is no perfect solution. The perfect solution may become apparent in a few years, but you can’t wait to see if that perfect solution will present itself. You really need to act NOW to protect your children. After all, do you have that crystal ball that tells you when you will die?

So, how do you choose a guardian when you don’t like your choices? Make a list of all possible persons and what qualities they have that would make them a good guardian. Think about parenting styles, emotional makeup, age, relationship with your children, location, and whether that person has other children. Have your partner make a similar list. Then sit down together and go over both lists. Is there anyone who is named on both lists? If not, then rank each person on your list from best to worst and have your partner do the same with his/her list. Whoever is closest in rank on both lists is your best candidate.

You should speak to the top candidates to find out whether they would have any objection to becoming your children’s guardian if the worst happened. If one of the candidates is unwilling to act as guardian, cross that person off the list and move on to the next one.

Remember that your will is not engraved in stone. You can change your mind about whom the guardian will be even after you sign your will and create a new will. But if you don’t act to sign a will and something happens to you, it will be a judge who doesn’t know you or your family who will decide your children’s fate. Now was that unknown judge making the choice for you part of your decision-making process? Making a will and naming a guardian for your children is one of the best ways to give you peace of mind about your children’s future. Protecting your children is your main job as a parent.

Please feel free to forward this blog post to friends, family, colleagues, listserv members or favorite bloggers. Or if you would like to run it (in whole or in part) in any publication or quote from it, simply include my name and URL: http://www.Gronskylaw.com. No prior permission needed. To inquire about joining my list to receive my blog posts or my availability to speak to your group or write an article for your publication, please email me at RGronsky@Gronskylaw.com. Thank you!